Do you have any face-to-face meetings in your area (ideally, Nar-anon, but if not available, Al-Anon)? Nar-anon has helped me tremendously. I have found that my journey to recovery is just that, a journey. It doesn't happen overnight and there are times when I get stuck or take detours or backtrack. I have learned that words and advice do no good with my addict son. He has been in and out of recovery and nothing he has done, good or bad, was because of my efforts. Recognizing that I am not in control was hard; there are still times when I think that there must be something I can do or say to flip the switch and give him permanent recovery. What has helped me are Nar-anon meetings, prayer, yoga, and occupying myself with things that I enjoy such as reading and getting outside to walk. Sorry for what you are going through and wishing you peace and healing.