Hello my dear ATG, there has never been a day I didn't have fear, but what I learned (I am a VERY slow learner), is that my futile attempts to control this monster have never ever ever (repeat EVER as many times as you can!) worked to MY Benefit. It is never easy to deal with this horrible feeling, but I continue to realize that I have never been more than a hindrance to JJ's path. Yes, I have picked up the pieces and I have looked the other way and all of the things this insanity of codependence allows. I realize longer and longer that my hopes and dreams of having a NORMAL relationship will probably NEVER EVER (repeat again!) happen on my actions. I love my son with my whole heart, but it has never EVER (repeat again!) helped me through this drama in terms of when its over. I am still not sure at all about my future with JJ. My relapse occurs from jumping back into rescue mode, and I pray I never (EVER (repeat again!) do it without some solid recovery (from us both).
It is fine to assist our sober children when they stumble, its horrible to try and expect the same results with our Addicted children.
I understand and sending prayers to you.
TT