It's not recovery - it's another relapse
I'm sitting here wondering how much longer I'm going to allow myself to stay on this emotional roller coaster that has been going on for close to 5 years. I thought my 25 yr old son was back on the road to recovery after relapsing almost 3 months ago and me finding out about a month ago. How did I find out? I slipped back into my old detective role that I thought I gave up years ago. And it was those techniques that led me to find out yesterday that either he could not stay away after detoxing or that he never really detoxed. Either way, it doesn't matter. The bottom line is he is using again and denying it. These relapses,after so much time (1 year generally), hit me harder and harder. I want to walk away from all of this but I still have not learned how to let go. I read the posts from Gardenmama, ilovemysonjj, Ann and so many other moms with invaluable wisdom and all I want to do right now is orchestrate his recovery by reaching out to the people he should be reaching out to. I know I can stop the madness I just don't know how to get myself to do it. I've done it before and have seen how it helps but like I said this time around it's even harder. Thank you for letting me share.