ch1.....I imagine that y ou are beginning to see that she will have a few years of hard work in front of her....after the point that she hits her bottom.
Look at it this way: You are not good for her. It is advised that starting an intimate relationship while beginning recovery is not a good thing....because it is too triggering in early recovery. It usually derails recovery....leads to relapses..
You have not had time to completely mourn the loss of the "dream" of the relationship.
You still have to complete that (it hurts!).
You may always care about her at a human level. That shows your humanity.
We don't always get to keep the people that we love, in this life. A hard fact of life, to be sure. But, that is the way life works, sometimes.
Perhaps, you can return her to the Universe (let go and let God)...with a caring heart....and pray that the best things in life come to her.
This is, obviously, not the right relationship for you to make a life long intimate committment to. That does not mean that it has not been a valid one in terms of the humanity involved. Every person who passes through our lives are valuable in one way or another. If she ever does gain genuine recovery..she will not, by definition, be the same person that you first met, anyway.
For yourself....pray for acceptance and peace with this. "Let go and let God".
ch1...a fully appreciate how hard this all is. I am just talking to you as if you were my very best friend.
dandylion