So I have about 3 weeks under my belt now being sober. I've just been doing some reflecting lately about why I made the choice to better my life as well as my families. My last bender started over an argument. It was going on 3 days of drinking in a row. Wife checked into a hotel with the kids during because I just become a different person. Some things I don't even remember what I did some of it is also very hazy like it was a dream, but can't clearly remember if it was reality or not. I've gotten over a lot of the guilt and the beating myself phase of things.
Now to the good part (not really), but I got a DUI last July when I could've just been home just as easy. A lot of nonsense with the whole story meaning stuff with the legal system, blood being drawn no warrant. I wasn't pulled over. I was in bumper to bumper traffic and I tapped the guy in front of me. No damage no nothing just a less than 10mph accident. We exchange insurance and numbers etc. You'd think I can just go on my merry way which is what I should have done. This young kid proceeds to claim injuries...his hand his neck his back. I'm like whoa whoa....no damage...I'm going 10mph but now you have all these injuries. I know MONEY MONEY is the name of the game. Regardless I shouldnt have been driving and I was. I shouldve left and not wait around for the police since I did my part already. Of course when you try to do the right thing it comes back and bites you in the ass. So I finally go to court on the 30th of March with my lawyer. Hope it goes well, but I usually don't have the best of luck when it comes to things. 2015 was supposed to be a good start but its been anything but. My anxiety is through the freaking roof. I have my therapist tomorrow and he's gonna write a letter for me for court as I'm seeking help for my problem.
I decided 3 weeks ago no more. I can't put my family through anymore crap. Myself included. I need and want to be a better father and husband. I regret so much putting my family through the gut wrenching benders. I feel sad sometimes when my 5 yr old ask my wife..."hey mom when are we going to the hotel again"? I think to myself damn that really sucks. Our 11 year old says "Oh you were going crazy again" that is his reason why they go. Really sh***y to hear, but it was my doing right!
Enough of the ranting. Just been thinking a lot giving I've been drinkless for 3 weeks now. There is more, but I think what I've written so far is enough for now. Trying to fight this battle.
