That's what I was afraid of.. I don't know why it hurts so bad to have to take it all back and lose him. You would think it would be easy. I feel like an idiot for hurting haha but I guess he did a great job turning the tables and making me feel guilty. I should probably seek counseling as well :/ it's going to be a long road for me.
Thank you guys for responding. It feels better knowing I'm making the right choices here and not just giving up.