Oh lotus! Hugs!
I left my alcoholic partner back in December when I decided to get sober and boy, it's been a struggle to stay away because I do still love him! I left because he was trying to sabotage my sobriety and I knew I had to leave if I wanted to have any sort of chance at a sober life so I totally get where your coming from!
If you feel iffy about seeing him FOR ANY REASON THEN STAY AWAY! There's no reason to make amends or have any contact with him right now! It's too soon and your emotions are too raw! Give it time...a real long time...before you even think about seeing him.
It's been three months for me, and even NOW it's hard to be around my ex and not get sucked back into a really unhealthy relationship. Save yourself, lotus. Stay strong and keep looking forward! ❤️