Thanks to those who responded. I think one thing that hurts most is my ex-gf saying that my alcoholism, and recovery, are becoming my identity. That's the one thing I don't want it to be. As I said to her, I just got out of rehab, on the heels of everything in my life being flipped upside down. I feel like no one trusts, or even likes, me, and for good reason. I can't have a private conversation with my kids, much less spend any time alone with them, and I know I earned this penance. I know there is no easy way out, and I feel pretty low and sad about it much of the time.
@Duckygirl
I'm glad you visited my thread to provide the perspective of a non-addict. As I said, I know I put her through the wringer, so her resentment is no surprise to me. She caught me hiding alcohol numerous times, and we split up over it numerous times. And what you said about her expecting (or hoping) that rehab would set me on the right track and everything would just click into place right away and I'd be all better is, I think, pretty close to the truth. It just doesn't happen that way, and I get impatient with it, too. I have serious doubts that she has any hopes of ever attempting a relationship with me again. I think it's likely damaged beyond repair, but we are still friends. When things were good, they were great, but when they were bad, they were devastating.
Gottalife said: "The first thing to note, as others have said, she is not going to be that interested in words. She's heard it all before. She will be much more interested in an extended demonstration of the principles you are now learning to live by. Action, not words."
This, I know, is very true. I've said to many people since returning from rehab that I'm sick and tired of talking it to death because so many have heard it all before. My words have lost their meaning. I know the proof will be in my actions but, as I stated before, even I get impatient with that process. What my ex-gf, and others, don't realize is that I want it to be over, too! And I want it right now! But I know it doesn't happen that way. I have admitted my faults and apologized profusely to everyone I know my drinking has affected, but it has not been an "official" meeting to make amends.
On the topic of AA meetings... I live in a small town and have joined an AA meeting here that is actually very good. I like it a lot and look forward to attending. The trouble is, it only meets once/week. The one I went to last night was in a neighboring city. I've been to it before and it used to be very good. In fact, many of it's members split off to form the local group I joined. Something has happened to it lately, though. The group dynamic has changed and feels strained. There are only a handful of meetings in my area. There is one other I haven't tried yet and plan to visit Monday evening. If all else fails, I'll drive an hour away to a larger city at least once/week. There are tons of meetings there.