I've been an enabler for a little over 3 years now.. I've enabled so much that I don't know how to stop..
I bought my husband everything he owns. I thought it was an investment into our future.. I thought if he was happy he'd stay away from drugs.. I was wrong. He had a good 9 months under his belt this last time.. But when he messed up this time it was a serious financial hit.. One I won't fix and I need help fixing my other mistakes now.
I bought him a bucket truck, dump truck, chipper, boat, 4 wheeler, saws and equipment, a new truck when we got married 2 years ago.. I bought our home. He hasn't brought much to the table.. Maybe 7k total in 3 years.. I know I messed up.
Last time he said he wanted help and my heart broke. I took him on vacation to Florida to detox, I drug tested often to keep him on the straight and narrow. But the tests got less and less frequent and then he started not having to pee.. Then he would lie about not peeing for days! Like anyone could not pee for 5 days.. So I told him to pee or leave. Of course it was thrown on me. I didn't trust him, I ruined our marriage, I track him, I keep him away from his friends and family.. Etc all lies.. I was starting to trust him, that's why the tests were a month and a half apart, I don't track him, I never kept him from his friends and family, he did. Because every single one of them uses drugs :/
Anyways, he left and said he'd prove he was a good man and was worthy to be a father and husband.. and then he was gone 19 days. He spent 7k on his credit cards, forged papers to show fake income to get a new truck financed, forged my name on the documents. Got a 12% interest car loan and $650 truck payments.. Then came home the next day. Where it turns out he bought a bad truck lol the engine blew on day one and he decided not to get the warranty since there were only 71k miles on a diesel truck.. So now he has a 6k bill at the mechanic and I won't pay for it.
His other truck I bought with cash on the second day we were married is in my name only. Would it be wrong of me to take it while he is sleeping, hide it and then sell it? Indiana is not a 50/50 state so if legal crap happened I can show receipts of the fact I bought everything and paid every bill. He has a job now that he won't be able to get to but I feel he bought this huge debt and stress he should live with the fact his new baby is broken. Not go back to the truck I bought him and he has destroyed.. It was 40k 2 years ago.. Now it's worth maybe 15k :/ anyways, I don't feel I should watch him drive in my truck, nodding off at the wheel cause he's so damn high. My money shouldn't be used to take him to get drugs. But I also can't stand being a ***** (damn enablers!)
He's going to be mad.. He will lose it.. I might lose him
but right now I already feel like I have. During that 19 days it was our 2 year anniversary. He came home a total of 3 times during that time. 2 times after 1 am to sleep and then leave at 6:30am and then on our anniversary he showed up and took me for ice cream but then had to leave an hour later to plow snow (yet another 10k I spent on him for the plow). During that time we couldn't even talk since he nods off every 2 seconds.. Literally. It was also my kids bday during that time. He promised my son he'd bring him his bday cake and hang out with him. He said he was on his way and then never showed up.. My kid cried himself to sleep. Then the next day he said he thought that day was his bday and not the day before and he took off work just to be with him that day.. No call, no show.. Kid cried himself to sleep again.. He didn't even bother saying happy birthday to him til a week later..
So, I pretty much hate my husband for hurting us sooo badly! But I miss my amazing husband so much and keep thinking he's still there somewhere. Even though the last week he's been here we can't talk at all since he nods off every freqkin 2 seconds the whole time!! And it's even worse cause when he revives he says he's fine and keeps trying to talk or trying to have sex or trying to participate.. Why doesn't he just give up and go to bed!! And I want to punch him in the nose cause he nods off and all I see is powder caked all over his stupid nose..
Sorry this ended up more as a rant. Should I take my truck? It seems the only logical answer to me so he can hit rock bottom :/ he's out of money and all his credit cards are maxed out. Not much more he can do..