Hi GMO. I hope it's ok if I chime in. I'm usually hanging out in the friends and family section, but sometimes I peak in other forums because I want to understand. My xabf is in rehab right now. So, I guess I'm the angry ex girlfriend. Very angry some days. Here's what's going on in our heads. That is if she isn't also a recovering addict. All we want is normality. Normality for us means conversations, making plans, setting goals and generally going through the day with not even thinking about drugs and alcohol. We hoped that when you got out of rehab we could start over. We could finally have that "normal" relationship that we dreamed of. But it doesn't happen.
We lost you to addiction and now we are losing you to recovery. It's always going to be the third person in the relationship. She's probably thinking "can't you just recover and stop making such a big deal about it. You're clean, now just get on with it." Of course that's easier said than done.
In the family and friends of alcoholics forum, there is a thread called "what normies don't know" read some of those and you may understand her more. You say that you understand that you put her through a lot. But you don't know the toll it takes on us anymore than we can really understand what it means to be the addict.
Anyway, Congrats on turning your life around
Hope you find a good meeting