Dop,
I don't care that he intended to hurt me. His intent and actions mean nothing to me because he is nothing to me. Nothing. It's a strange and hollow feeling. Like a death.
Dop, what you are describing I understand,
for I too have been thru the same feelings. And it did come from
death. It's grief, and I still go thru it but to a lesser extent everytime. I never knew the steps of grief till I spoke to a
grief counselor about it. Here they are hope they help you
like they did me. 1. Denial 2.Anger 3.Depression 4.Acceptance.
Sometimes I am able to go through these phases rather fast,
other times I get stuck in one of them then have to look at why
am I stuck, usually it is because I have not completed the first step and am stuck in denial. When you say that this time it
felt personal. Heck every-time I get hurt whether from someone
I know or don't it feels personal, or I don't think it would hurt.
Still caring about someone yet trying not to sucks. I have had to work thru ambivalence many times. It's work. So is going thru grief and it hurts but it really does get better and better.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Blessings,
Vinnie