He is my life.
really?
In gentleness, sorry but YOU are your life.
The "he is my life" type thinking is what keeps you trapped, stuck, held hostage, no wonder you are feeling so low.
In your shoes, I would start a healthier type dialogue for myself. A dialogue that includes thoughts and words like, I am worthy of love, trust, honesty, respect, a partner who is drug free and can communicate and act like an ADULT.
So reading your most recent comment, I guess you are able to accept him as he currently is, so I am not sure what you are asking.......