"I always thought that if I did enough, someone would LOVE ME! Hello!"
Sometimes people don't love us or even like us, no matter how hard we try. Sometimes we try too hard to be liked, to be noticed, to be loved that it's off putting to other people and it reeks of desperation. Sometimes we can't see the love that other people have for us because we don't love ourselves.
I've fallen into all three of the categories I described. It is miserable and lonely. I'm fifty and it took me that long to figure that out and I'm still learning. And I know you quit drinking for seven years and weren't entirely happy during those seven years. I'm sober now and have been for 15 months but I still have trouble liking myself or other people or believing they love or like me. And sometimes I don't let them love or like me because I put up a huge shield to guard myself from getting hurt but all it does it trap the pain inside.
That phrase "let go and let God" I think is very powerful. Letting go. Trust.