Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
^^This. I had to just DO it. I had to force myself outside of my comfort zone (aka hiding away at home) & go. do. things. For DD, for me, for both of us.
I forced myself to commit to activities & then forced myself to STAY PUT once I was there instead of rushing home. I had to stop myself from looking for reasons to back out of things once I had them planned too, I was really surprised at my own behavior. Eventually I also stopped spending that entire time wondering what AH was doing/where he was/who he was with & finally started focusing on & enjoying the things I was doing.
(But like the previous posters, I don't think you can ever stop yourself from being bothered by his actions, you can simply stop yourself from reacting poorly or in a way that wastes or exhausts your energy.)
IMO this does say it all. I did have to force myself to do things. Anything...I felt trapped almost like a ton of bricks were on my chest, but eventually I did do things for myself and my DD. At first I really had to drag myself out of the house, but the more I
forced myself to do things the less time I sat at home worrying about the AH and I started to feel better.
As time goes by it does get easier when we learn to focus on ourselves and our children instead of the A.
We are always here for support, keep coming back!