I'm so sorry for what you've been through. It's felt like a nightmare, I'm sure.
What has worked for me, so far, to take the focus off of my AH:
I put the focus on my kids, making sure they're doing well, and we have fun, whether or not my husband comes along. And I make sure to follow up with conversations with them, whenever AH has some unbalanced or inaccurate interaction with them. My kids are what matter, now.
Remembering the phrase, "the best revenge is living well". That helps me a lot when I'm bitter about all of the junk he's put me through. I go and do something really productive for my own well-being.
Taking each minute as it comes. If I realize that I'm thinking about him too much, I make a choice to think about something positive in my own life, and stop my negative "him-thoughts" in their track.
By doing things just for me, like taking a class, getting together with friends, reading an escapist book.
And by establishing boundaries with regards to behavior that I will no longer tolerate. t used to be my list of what I wouldn't tolerate was quite short. I now add more and more to it every week. I guess I'm getting really weary of all of his nonsense. The latest one is all of the whining coming from AH. I used to sit and engage with this junk. Now I just leave the room (or the house) and go do something else.
Hope this helps. Sending hugs and prayers!