One thing that helped me was that my therapist told me to focus on building a healthy home for my children. Understanding and accepting that I had no control over him, understanding and accepting that I couldn't change the past
or what he did in the present or the future, but that I
did have control over
my life now -- and that I owed it to my children to build a healthy, functional home for them.
Al-Anon also helped me a lot -- and working their program. That was (even before I left AXH) my "me-time" when I was allowed to focus on myself. It took some getting used to after living in a situation where focus was on the A all day every day, but it really grew on me.
