ok! Going to try to catch up again!
Butter - I forgot to congratulate you on your awesome mark on your paper! Yay you!! When do you start your vacation? I can't quite remember ... lol but then somedays I don't remember if I'm wearing pants so that's normal for me
Tod - Jethro sounds like quite the guy! LOL! I think I would go crazy with all those electronics hanging around my house. I'm not the most organized person, but our house is small and any amount of extra stuff is enough to make me feel closed in. DS has toys everywhere now and it can drive me nuts if I'm in the wrong mood. So TVs and computers around would send me around the bend!
Now if he were to fix them and sell them, another story, right? Then at least he'd be busy AND you'd get money for it!
Blue - omgosh you hit some many things right on the head. I do feel like this is the authentic H in the sessions and when he is clear headed and rational minded. That's the H I married. These loops are relatively new, and by that I mean only starting about 4 years ago or so. I kind of saw it as the progression of the disease and the progression of the lack of reasoning that comes with it, if that makes sense. The more he drank, the more neuro-pathways he killed. So now he's not only recovering from the addiction but also from the damage he has done.
It is incredibly hard on me emotionally. More and more every time it happens. I worry about my own emotional state of mind when he does this, and I think, if this happens again, I'm asking him to leave. And then he comes out of it, and is cognitive of the damage he has done (even tho he can't always remember it) and tries to make better choices and I think, no, I can do this. But I do love your suggestion of making my own maps and traffic systems and using that when things start to loop, because I am not doing anyone any favours by getting caught up in H's loops, especially when he can't even remember them.
And as far as the blackouts go, the counselor is worried about them. It's not normal and while I'm not concerned about my physical safety, I do get concerned about H driving and the effects all of this is having on everyone. So the sooner H and I can sit down and work through some key words the better. And then i'll get my own maps in place, and when he starts to loop i'll have an immediate list of "what to do" so I don't need to think, I can just follow the steps we have set out.
I do know what you mean about bounce back, I feel like a racquetball right now. I feel the physical effects of all of this on my body and in my own energy levels. I find that I can't focus on things I used to enjoy doing, because all of my energy is kept right now on trying to stay emotionally stable and strong for the kids, and trying to pull H out of whatever loop he might be in. And he's getting better with the loops but it's far from acceptable right now, and that's hard.
Cute story about the dumpster food! LOL! I love your friend's sense of humour! And the essay about being addicted to the person you love, sounds so true to me! I think we all go through a stage like that when we meet someone, and fall really hard!
Allfor, yes, the therapist thinks there is a lot of PAWS going on with H, as well as maybe some other things like depression or even bipolar? But it's too early to see, so i'll have to monitor it a bit and see if I can give him some more info when I see him again. It's not something H will track on his own, it's not a codependent thing, just the way we both are wired, I'm more of a researcher and tracker and observer, and H is more of a see what happens, push things into a box and never look at them again sort of person.
Sorry about your tooth! I hope it didn't hurt when you chipped it! I had to get a root canal as a result of a chipped molar - mind you it was a baby molar because I don't have adult molars (lol see, I am immature!
) so that's kind of a different story, but make sure you look after it!
Tod I have taped H other times, and the last rage he had before detox he heard by accident when DS was playing with my phone. He still remembers how he sounded. I think it would be very powerful if I could tape him and play it back to him *at the right time*, when he would be receptive to it. Otherwise, it could backfire on me. H is having some paranoia issues, which I think is part of PAWS or at least part of an alcohol addiction, and I don't want to make him feel even more paranoid.
LOL I should text you every time we get snow! Here in my province in Canada, it's almost a daily occurance for 8 months
You'd get really tired of hearing from me
Clean, more snow again today! Holy smokes! They never close the schools here and I miss that, they used to in So Dak too and we would have a wonderful snow day! I hear you totally, tired of snow, tired of the cold, tired of seeing white everywhere. I NEED green! And I NEED flowers! H kept opening the front door yesterday, every 10 minutes he opened the door. I asked him, what are you doing? And he said, looking for spring. The nut. LOL!
I hate buying coffee machines! I don't know why, but I hate buying appliances in general. I can never decide which one I want, I spend so much time comparing the differences of each and in the end I end up getting none. We have a Keurig right now but we bought a little filter thing for it so we could put our own grounds in it and not have to spend so much money on the little cups. It took me a few months to figure out the timer lol! Here's to a hot cup of coffee when you wake up tomorrow!!
We don't spring forward here. Our province does not do daylight saving time. It's nice to not lose an hour or have to adjust kid's sleeping habits! When we lived in So Dak it drove me crazy, because I never grew up changing clocks. I always forgot and was running either an hour ahead or behind for weeks later! LOL!