I realize this is disease rhetoric, but my struggle is that since the disease causes flawed thinking in the alcoholic, I truly believe that SHE believed this to be her only way towards recovery, and I was the one who 'broke' her emotionally by enforcing the separation.
Just like her disease has it rhetoric, ours has its own. And I think "Are you SURE I couldn't have done more?" is one of the most common questions inside it.
Couple that with the fact that "I should have been a better [husband/son/father/friend]" and "I wonder if I did enough?" are very common questions we ask ourselves whenever we're grieving somebody -- even without the added complication of addiction/codependency -- and I think your feelings of guilt that crop up every now and then are to be expected. That doesn't mean they're
warranted -- just that... they're not unusual.
And it does sound like you are taking care of yourself, and that makes me happy.