Woodman...I still suggest that a male alanon group might bring you some comfort as well as ways to deal with the difficult emotions that you are still (naturally) dealing with.
There are other men who have walked in your same shoes. Face to face with them, I believe, could bring you benefits that you could not find, exactly, from any other source.
There is also a book written by Melody Beattie (Yes, the same one who wrote Co-dependent No More!)...It is titled: "The Grief Club". It is a good read...and it deals with living with those life traumas that we feel like there is no reprieve from.
your friend,
dandylion