woodman...it is good to hear from you again, though I am sorry for your pain.
Certainly, I agree with the other comments that 6months is still on the early side of grief.
It would be for a more "natural" loss of a spouse...even without the grim circumstances that you experienced. Yours was very traumatic, as I remember.
You have made great strides, in some ways. If, however, you are struggling, as you say...
Might I make this suggestion: Why not consult with a therapist who is experienced in the following areas--grieving/ family of origin work and get their thinking on this. In addition...seek out a MALE alanon group. They WILL understand what you are talking about and how you are feeling.
This is difficult stuff, woodman and I can relate to what you are talking about.
dandylion