Emily,
Originally Posted by emily33
I was worried for a long time, if my H gets better he will leave me because he doesn’t need me anymore, I was worried if he doesn’t get better, he was going to leave me because of the path he is choosing to go down.
I am so there right now! I'm learning to truly detach, and starting to give back responsibilities that I had no right to have. As I start to loosen the death grip I had on life, I start to worry "what if he gets worse? what if he doesn't want me anymore? What if the checks start bouncing?" And that's hard to listen to... and then I remember that I don't have to listen to it, if I DON"T SAY IT! DUH!
Originally Posted by emily33
Mine apologies for being such a A**** hole, and if he don’t hear what he wants, or if I don’t except his apology, he may start all over again, until he thinks he can break me down, and then he will try to apologized again, and use the excuse I tried to apologize before but you wouldn’t listen and now I got mad again and I am sorry. I am really starting to see what he is doing now, he wants me so badly to react, so he can say see this is why I drink and blame me, or anyone that doesn’t agree with him, or just have a different opinion then he does he uses as excuses of why he is miserable.
I see it as a trap, it’s his game, and I don’t want to play anymore.
Again, I'm right there right now. B went on a bender last night, and is going out drinking again tonight and tomorrow. He feels guilty about it so he's trying so hard to share that with me. He actually asked me to take the day off today so that we could spend the daytime together so he could get drunk tonight?!?! I said no because it just seemed obsurd to be that he expected me to skip out on work to make HIM feel better!?!? SO, he tried his best to apologize and I just walked away.... and now it's
TIME! But again, I just keep detaching and protecting myself from it.
It's like we're playing catch, only I'm not going to be there when he throws!!
Disclaimer: I'm not intending that he hits me (with the smiley!), I just thought it was a cute way to say it's "Fight time!"