Well yesterday was pretty horrible...m

Old 05-12-2005, 08:13 PM
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Well yesterday was pretty horrible...m

and today was pretty great.

I called in sick to take the dog to the vet. (Figured it was a family sick day).

I spent the day just laying around and sleeping and regrouping.

Interestingly enough my husband and I had a long talk tonight about what is going on.

He is talking the talk. I KNOW that he is incapable of walking the walk.

It pisses me off that it makes me feel better to hear him talk it.

We need some couple therapy. Is it best to use another person than either of our therapists?

On a good note, he did get PAID today for the first time in 5 months. To him, that money is gold...not like MY freaking money that he feels he is entitled to gamble away.

I have SOOO munch pent up anger...I feel like I can let it go and then it creeps back into me. How can I make it gone forever?

In other good news my dog does not need expensive surgery...we will be able to treat his medical issues with slightly less expensive medication. Woohoo.
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Old 05-13-2005, 04:51 AM
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(((JennyK)))),

So many times I have those kind of days, and the things that I find myself chanting over and over... "One day at a time", "Just for today", and most importantly, "Be Gentle!" Oh yeah... and I love "First things first" because it helps to remind me that I need to revisit my priorities!

As far as anger goes, I find for me what helps is to take a good hard look at what is causing the anger. Last night I found myself in the old habit of getting in a fit of rage because B was out at the bar until late into the night. I sat and look at it and said, So what is making me so angry? He's out drinking and spending money. Yes.... well, no. I'm mad that he's still doing it, in spite of all our "discussions" (because we have them too!! Read my post "Need a safe place to vent!"). SO, then is my angry really because I'm dissappointed because he's out doing what he does?? (He's an alcoholic, that's what they do!) You betcha! I'm dissappointed because of my own expectation. Expecting him to do something he can't. Well, then I guess I'm really mad at myself. BUT, I have to be gentle with myself b/c it takes time... and I'm learning, albiet slowly but it's still progress! In taking those steps, I found that I turned my anger into dissappointment, and then into an "Aha!" moment. I saw it as a learning opportunity and a time to grow! It takes patient and a true focus on self, but it truly works if you work it!

Hang in there and be gentle!
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Old 05-13-2005, 05:45 AM
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jennyk - glad to hear the dog can be treated without surgery!

it's so hard to get into the "new" habit of dissecting our anger and getting to what it really stems from. i still have much anger myself and i think for the same reason gettingby does. yep - one minute at a time for me!
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Old 05-13-2005, 09:18 AM
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That must be a good feeling for both of you to have your H, bring in a check, a BIG CONGRATS for that I am so glad that your dog does not have to have expensive surgery, I know how costly that can be.

Something that you said just struck me. It makes you angry because you like to hear the talk but you know he wont do the walk.

That is so me, I know this about him, I am satisfied for the time being anyway, knowing he is full of Sh***. Maybe this is where I drift off out of reality, and I am in my comfortable fantasy world called denial. I wish someone was there to slap me and wake me the hell up.

I was worried for a long time, if my H gets better he will leave me because he doesn’t need me anymore, I was worried if he doesn’t get better, he was going to leave me because of the path he is choosing to go down.

It also pisses me off that his two second apology begging for forgiveness, satisfies me enough. Especially after a night when he is using everything under the sun as an excuse to go have a beer and relax.

Mine apologies for being such a A**** hole, and if he don’t hear what he wants, or if I don’t except his apology, he may start all over again, until he thinks he can break me down, and then he will try to apologized again, and use the excuse I tried to apologize before but you wouldn’t listen and now I got mad again and I am sorry. I am really starting to see what he is doing now, he wants me so badly to react, so he can say see this is why I drink and blame me, or anyone that doesn’t agree with him, or just have a different opinion then he does he uses as excuses of why he is miserable.

I see it as a trap, it’s his game, and I don’t want to play anymore.
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Old 05-13-2005, 09:33 AM
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Emily,

Originally Posted by emily33
I was worried for a long time, if my H gets better he will leave me because he doesn’t need me anymore, I was worried if he doesn’t get better, he was going to leave me because of the path he is choosing to go down.
I am so there right now! I'm learning to truly detach, and starting to give back responsibilities that I had no right to have. As I start to loosen the death grip I had on life, I start to worry "what if he gets worse? what if he doesn't want me anymore? What if the checks start bouncing?" And that's hard to listen to... and then I remember that I don't have to listen to it, if I DON"T SAY IT! DUH!

Originally Posted by emily33
Mine apologies for being such a A**** hole, and if he don’t hear what he wants, or if I don’t except his apology, he may start all over again, until he thinks he can break me down, and then he will try to apologized again, and use the excuse I tried to apologize before but you wouldn’t listen and now I got mad again and I am sorry. I am really starting to see what he is doing now, he wants me so badly to react, so he can say see this is why I drink and blame me, or anyone that doesn’t agree with him, or just have a different opinion then he does he uses as excuses of why he is miserable.

I see it as a trap, it’s his game, and I don’t want to play anymore.
Again, I'm right there right now. B went on a bender last night, and is going out drinking again tonight and tomorrow. He feels guilty about it so he's trying so hard to share that with me. He actually asked me to take the day off today so that we could spend the daytime together so he could get drunk tonight?!?! I said no because it just seemed obsurd to be that he expected me to skip out on work to make HIM feel better!?!? SO, he tried his best to apologize and I just walked away.... and now it's TIME! But again, I just keep detaching and protecting myself from it.

It's like we're playing catch, only I'm not going to be there when he throws!!


Disclaimer: I'm not intending that he hits me (with the smiley!), I just thought it was a cute way to say it's "Fight time!"
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