Fear is at the root of most of my anger. I used anger as a tool to cover up my fear. Fear of not getting what I want, or losing something I had/have. I found that if I got angry, with the talent I have for being verbally sharp and overbearing, I could bluff my way through situations that threatened me. I still have times when certain situations arise that tell me I should sit down and have a calm, conversation with another person, that I fall into a confrontation mode, which to me means a fight or argument. I feel myself getting upset and I start rehearsing in my mind, what I'm going to say, what the other person will say, etc. I've found in cases like this that if I go to the other person and ask for "help" to understand the problem, it settles me down, and also serves to calm the other person down. Asking for another persons help kind of de-fuses the situation. Takes the confrontation element out of the picture. I actually had this scenario play out at a retreat I was on over the weekend. I used the "please help me to understand" technique and it worked out really well. I was nervous but all was well. It helps me to take a look at the anger, why I'm fearful, and what do I have to lose.
I use the tenth step in the Big Book to check myself out also. Each day I take a look at what has transpired. Have I don't anything I need to make amends for that day? Have I offended anyone? Did I make any mistakes at work that need to be corrected? If I'm honest with myself and all is well, I have no reason to be fearful. I try to remember too, that "Love and Tolerance" is what I should strive for daily.