Welcome
You have had a taste of what sober life can offer yes it is hard but it gets better. I understand the drinking pattern you describe I to had issues but I blamed it on work until I realized everything I worked hard to achieve and the family I had would be for nothing if I let alcohol take it.
Truth is life is harder when we drink; money and jobs are important but not as much as family
Kids are the answer don’t beat yourself up about how they perceive you work at making good memories and hang in there