failed
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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failed
I wanted to share my story to see if anyone had a similar experience or has advice to give. Apologies about the length of the post but this is the first time I am actually putting this all down in black and white and it almost feels like therapy.
I am early 30s, successful, 3 wonderful children and a beautiful wife who loves me.. I was one of those people who was aware that I was drinking too much but never classified myself as an alcoholic.. I went from being debt free and financially secure to having £50,000+ credit card debt within 12 months. I was away almost every week with work so was out ALL the time. As I was away with work I would use my credit card to fund these nights as I would be able to claim my expenses back. But of course as the nights got more expensive there was actually very little I could legitimately claim back. I am now also aware I was using the credit cards so my spending wasn’t noticed at home.. As I was earning good money, I thought I will pay off the cards with the next bonus, and sometimes I actually did. Only to go on more benders and run up more cash on the cards. But due to the amount of money I was earning I still didn’t really thing this was a big problem..
I was always very good at managing to seem normal with terrible hangovers and was able to hide how much I was drinking. The amazing thing was I really didn’t think I had an issue. Yes I drank too much but I could stop if I really wanted? Right?
Then a series of wake up calls came.. I started to notice I needed alcohol… praying for lunch time to come so I could sink a few pints… then looking ahead to home time so I could get home and drink. Sometimes I would make up an excuse to leave early so I could get home to an empty house and sink a few before anyone came in. My life was revolving around my next drink… My hangover started to get worse to the point I would need to lock myself in a meeting room at work and sleep for a few hours. As I was the most senior person in my office it was all very easy to do. I also overheard someone who worked for me talking about their alcoholic boss.. so maybe I wasn’t that great at hiding it after all?
Our company was going thru some changes and we got told that our quarterly bonus would not be paid to the following quarter… PANIC, I wouldn’t have enough money to pay all bills etc. Everything was maxed out.. I had no options left to borrow more money, I tried and got declined. I had never been declined for anything before in my life.. Still my wife was unaware of any debt or money issues. I was completely out of money.. Lucky my work reversed the decision at the last moment and I got off the hook for now… Because of the stress when the money came in I went out on a 2 day bender…..
My home life was now suffering, as was my work. I felt awful. The final wakeup call came at my daughters birthday party. I passed out @ 3pm in front of my children and family.. when I came round I got up and went straight to the pub… to say I was ashamed the next day was an understatement. That was in January and I stopped drinking that day.. I was shocked at the physical withdrawals I went through… it was a living hell for a few weeks but managed to get thru the worst. Everything improved when I stopped drinking. Everything!! Once I got back on my feet, I started to think that maybe I didn’t have a drinking problem and that was only a bad period…. I manage to last until this week end. First time in a pub and decided to have 1 pint then go home. Everyone knows what happened next… can’t remember getting home and took myself to the pub first thing on Sunday morning as I felt I was going into a panic attack. After a good few I came home and straight to bed, again another very proud moment for my kids to see dad drunk on a Sunday afternoon and going to bed…
So I do have a serious problem with drink. And this is the first time I have ever really admitted this. I am now at a new low. All the good work undone in one night and the worst thing is I want to go to the pub right now.. So I’m starting again… I feel cursed
I am early 30s, successful, 3 wonderful children and a beautiful wife who loves me.. I was one of those people who was aware that I was drinking too much but never classified myself as an alcoholic.. I went from being debt free and financially secure to having £50,000+ credit card debt within 12 months. I was away almost every week with work so was out ALL the time. As I was away with work I would use my credit card to fund these nights as I would be able to claim my expenses back. But of course as the nights got more expensive there was actually very little I could legitimately claim back. I am now also aware I was using the credit cards so my spending wasn’t noticed at home.. As I was earning good money, I thought I will pay off the cards with the next bonus, and sometimes I actually did. Only to go on more benders and run up more cash on the cards. But due to the amount of money I was earning I still didn’t really thing this was a big problem..
I was always very good at managing to seem normal with terrible hangovers and was able to hide how much I was drinking. The amazing thing was I really didn’t think I had an issue. Yes I drank too much but I could stop if I really wanted? Right?
Then a series of wake up calls came.. I started to notice I needed alcohol… praying for lunch time to come so I could sink a few pints… then looking ahead to home time so I could get home and drink. Sometimes I would make up an excuse to leave early so I could get home to an empty house and sink a few before anyone came in. My life was revolving around my next drink… My hangover started to get worse to the point I would need to lock myself in a meeting room at work and sleep for a few hours. As I was the most senior person in my office it was all very easy to do. I also overheard someone who worked for me talking about their alcoholic boss.. so maybe I wasn’t that great at hiding it after all?
Our company was going thru some changes and we got told that our quarterly bonus would not be paid to the following quarter… PANIC, I wouldn’t have enough money to pay all bills etc. Everything was maxed out.. I had no options left to borrow more money, I tried and got declined. I had never been declined for anything before in my life.. Still my wife was unaware of any debt or money issues. I was completely out of money.. Lucky my work reversed the decision at the last moment and I got off the hook for now… Because of the stress when the money came in I went out on a 2 day bender…..
My home life was now suffering, as was my work. I felt awful. The final wakeup call came at my daughters birthday party. I passed out @ 3pm in front of my children and family.. when I came round I got up and went straight to the pub… to say I was ashamed the next day was an understatement. That was in January and I stopped drinking that day.. I was shocked at the physical withdrawals I went through… it was a living hell for a few weeks but managed to get thru the worst. Everything improved when I stopped drinking. Everything!! Once I got back on my feet, I started to think that maybe I didn’t have a drinking problem and that was only a bad period…. I manage to last until this week end. First time in a pub and decided to have 1 pint then go home. Everyone knows what happened next… can’t remember getting home and took myself to the pub first thing on Sunday morning as I felt I was going into a panic attack. After a good few I came home and straight to bed, again another very proud moment for my kids to see dad drunk on a Sunday afternoon and going to bed…
So I do have a serious problem with drink. And this is the first time I have ever really admitted this. I am now at a new low. All the good work undone in one night and the worst thing is I want to go to the pub right now.. So I’m starting again… I feel cursed
Sober date 5/1/13
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 3,547
Hi nobottle, welcome to SR.
Like you my serious drinking centred around working away from home. I was lucky, through a change of job all my triggers were removed from me. Do you know what your triggers are? Looks like pubs may be a no go zone for a while.
Like you my serious drinking centred around working away from home. I was lucky, through a change of job all my triggers were removed from me. Do you know what your triggers are? Looks like pubs may be a no go zone for a while.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi and welcome nobottle 
they say when you're at the bottom of a hole, stop digging.
Let the weekend be your bottom, and today your turning point.
you can turn things around - many of us here have.
Use the support here, look what approaches other people are using, and develop a plan to help you stay sober
you can do this
they say when you're at the bottom of a hole, stop digging.
Let the weekend be your bottom, and today your turning point.
you can turn things around - many of us here have.
Use the support here, look what approaches other people are using, and develop a plan to help you stay sober
you can do this
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 327
Welcome. I can relate to your story. Sleeping a hangover away on my lunch break. I wasn't fooling anyone though. I also passed out drunk at my daughters birthday party one year. Not good times. Life gets better when you don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome.
I've been there..... almost every single element of your story can be found in my own.
I'm now over 14 months sober and life is good....
You haven't failed - by stepping through this door and telling your story, you have succeeded.
If it is freedom, joy, confidence, abundance, love, capacity, experience, goodness and LIFE that you're after - you have stepped in the right direction.
You can do this.
#soberliferocks
I've been there..... almost every single element of your story can be found in my own.
I'm now over 14 months sober and life is good....
You haven't failed - by stepping through this door and telling your story, you have succeeded.
If it is freedom, joy, confidence, abundance, love, capacity, experience, goodness and LIFE that you're after - you have stepped in the right direction.
You can do this.
#soberliferocks
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: scotland
Posts: 84
Welcome
You have had a taste of what sober life can offer yes it is hard but it gets better. I understand the drinking pattern you describe I to had issues but I blamed it on work until I realized everything I worked hard to achieve and the family I had would be for nothing if I let alcohol take it.
Truth is life is harder when we drink; money and jobs are important but not as much as family
Kids are the answer don’t beat yourself up about how they perceive you work at making good memories and hang in there
You have had a taste of what sober life can offer yes it is hard but it gets better. I understand the drinking pattern you describe I to had issues but I blamed it on work until I realized everything I worked hard to achieve and the family I had would be for nothing if I let alcohol take it.
Truth is life is harder when we drink; money and jobs are important but not as much as family
Kids are the answer don’t beat yourself up about how they perceive you work at making good memories and hang in there
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by Treerat66 
Hi nobottle, welcome to SR.
Like you my serious drinking centred around working away from home. I was lucky, through a change of job all my triggers were removed from me. Do you know what your triggers are? Looks like pubs may be a no go zone for a while.
Like you my serious drinking centred around working away from home. I was lucky, through a change of job all my triggers were removed from me. Do you know what your triggers are? Looks like pubs may be a no go zone for a while.
never thought about wanting to drink as a trigger.... will need to have a think about it. but yeah going to need to stay anyway from the pub
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