Welcome to SR Cohiba:
I am new to sobriety but not to drinking. I was a binge drinker in my 20s and couldn't imagine not drinking at a party. I had loads of fun but also loads of hangovers. Fastforward - I am now in my mid-50s and throughout all those years I tried on and off to moderate but it never worked and binging turned into daily drinking.
I have had stints of sobriety, and then would start out with only having a drink at a party, or maybe just one drink at dinner, blah, blah, blah. It would quickly escalate. We alcoholics cannot moderate - we don't want just one, we want loads and we want to be drunk.
There is a series of Youtube videos about drinking habits of the youth in Britian that perhaps you might like to watch, while you are sober. It's very enlightening. I just can't think of the name of it right now.
Read the excerpts from "Under the Influence" found in the alcoholism section of this forum. It details what alcohol does to the brain and perhaps give you insight into what is happening to you and why.
I wish I had of thought I had a problem in my 20s and saved myself a lot of grief.
All the best to you,
Calicofish