I guess there in lies the problem. I had thought, "Alright you know what this night is going to be. Go to the 8:00 Eastender meeting. Get out... don't sit and dwell." And then the same old thoughts came creeping back in... "I don't want to go. What if he comes home and I'm gone? I'm sure he'll come home early this time." Crap. Self-defeated. Good old denial (mine) creeping back in. Now I'm mad, at myself, because I missed the meeting.