Hi seek,
Sorry to hear about your grandson.
You ask about the "not knowing."
My son has not contacted any family member since last fall. He does not live in the same state and will not answer calls or texts. I think I know where he may be, but I'm not sure and I have no idea if he is working or drinking or if his health has declined, both physically and mentally.
There really is nothing I can do other than constantly work the steps of Al Anon, especially the first three:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Some days I can only put one foot in front of the other and go on; some days I feel some serenity and hope. His actions have hurt me badly and my life will never be really ok. It's been going on for at least 15 years now. I miss having a relationship with a boy I cherished. I grief for the man he has become. I fear for the call I may get one day.
People do not understand that this kind of trauma is life-altering.
P.S. I love that quote by Julian of Norwich. I think of it often.