I understand the "deflation." I feel the same thing when I explain my abstinence in depth to a friend or family member. I chose to go to AA to build a sober support network. While that makes perfect sense to me, as I noted earlier, I am my own version of "alcoholic" and don't like to use that word while explaining, because of the ideas and images that are associated with it for many. I have a high level professional job, and while I may have been celebrating my workouts with a beer and feeling crappy about it, I hadn't gone far enough YET to have other repercussions of alcohol (no DUIs, no legal problems or crime, no crazy public behavior, and so on).
So my alcohol use was mostly invisible, and my external and visible self was active and healthy. If I tell people close to me that I am now a recovering alcoholic, they are terribly confused, because no one witnessed any of the "alcoholic" part. Even my adult children are stymied by my identification as an alcoholic.
Nonetheless, alcohol was derailing all my fitness goals. I have also carried HepC my whole life (since adolescence) and had been warned by doctors that I should not tax my liver additionally with the use of alcohol (I am now "cured" BTW - I just finished the new treatment and it was successful). Bottom line - I felt like alcohol stymied my intent for my self and my life. I also don't like my relationship behavior with alcohol (hooking up with folks who I wouldn't consciously choose for relationship and then having to "get out of" the situation).
And that's enough. I don't need more reasons than health and relationship sobriety. But those are very personal topics for me, and any explanation of my invisible alcoholism would require that I discussed this part of me, and that is even more revealing and intimate.
So, I've struggled mightily with how to present this new phase of my life.
I am becoming less and less comfortable with my AA involvement. I live in a very small community, and am feeling like I am increasingly identified by folks as a recovering alcoholic. I'm not sure how I feel about this or how to adapt to it. I was unhappy with my drinking behaviors, I have a (very long ago) past as an addict, and I decided to quit drinking alcohol. That is what I am comfortable with wearing as identity.
So, I too am fumbly and overly-complicated when I try to explain my situation to people. I feel like I am juggling multiple identities, and as though I am almost lying in AA meetings. Nonetheless, the criteria for joining AA is a "desire to stop drinking." I can admit that alcohol made my life unmanageable, because I didn't like where my relationship with alcohol was going. But I struggle with the A word, because I don't feel like it accurately describes my experience.
Ultimately, I want to be a confident non-drinker who is so busy kayaking and hiking and doing great work in the community that I choose not to drink because it inhibits my activities. I have no problem explaining that to people. It is my involvement with AA that is hard for me to explain. I just like going to the meetings - I feel like it supports my sobriety.