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Old 02-27-2015, 09:19 AM
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Happy to say I slowed the roll but starting to get out of hand again. Can't seem to kick the binge with moderation. Quit completely and then back. Pretty annoyed really. I've even been training for Triathlons and drinking is really needs to stop.

Trying to quit is the hardest thing I've ever done. Haven't wrote in a while and could use some support.
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Old 02-27-2015, 09:59 AM
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Hey, Jim. Congratulations on the triathlon training. I managed to train for several marathons even while drinking 6-10 drinks per day about 5 days a week. Frequently, the sweat had not yet dried on me before I found myself mixing a giant cocktail after a training run. You can't be an alcoholic if you are a marathon runner, right? Wrong.

Know this: Your training will be easier and your race results will be faster if you quit. Mine have been. It is just one of a gazillion reasons to quit.

My "aha" moment came when I finally realized that my on/off drinking switch was broken. I never wanted one drink. I wanted 5. Or 10. And that isn't how a "normal" person drinks. It just isn't. Under those circumstances, moderating my drinking was not realistic.

Consider whether it is time to just be done, once and for all. Whether it is time to quit dancing around the issue and recognize that you can't drink like others and, therefore, you shouldn't drink. At all. I made that decision and it was perhaps the smartest thing I have ever done.

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
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Old 02-27-2015, 10:16 AM
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Same here - my reward for a hard workout used to be rushing home for my cold beer and my cigarette. I've always eaten organically, worked out, meditated, yogaed, been outdoorsy - and between every single positive thing I did for my health, I would "take a break" and have a drink and a cig.

How crazy is that!

I realized that all of the effort I was putting into caring for my health or building my athletic capacity was simply working to counteract my alcohol and tobacco use. So I never really improved or grew athletically - I was just treading water.

The funny thing to me now when I think about it, is why filling my lungs with smoke and requiring my liver to process alcohol was "taking a break." Now I realize I was just burdening my body...

This is the primary reason that I quit entirely - for my health. Like fistymer, "I made that decision and it was perhaps the smartest thing I have ever done."

You'll find, if you spend some time reading these boards, that moderation hasn't worked for us. It might work for some, and obviously, they aren't here on these boards. But it hasn't worked for us. We are a million different shades of alcoholic, but after much experimenting (and you'll see that we tried and tried and tried methods of "moderating" so we didn't have to quit entirely), it just cycles back into overuse of alcohol, despair, and frustration. Believe it or not, it is FAR simpler to quit entirely. It just takes it off the table. You can move on.

This is possible. If you have the discipline to train as an athlete, then you have the internal strength to undertake this journey. The first days and weeks are challenging - physically and emotionally. I'm at six months now, and can tell you that I still have challenges and still occasionally want to drink, but my pride at having licked the problem and my curiosity as to my own capacity and potential growth have grown large enough to stop those cravings as they arise....
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Old 02-27-2015, 10:17 AM
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Moderation. Yeah. That never worked for me.

It is so much easier to not drink than to "control" my drinking. I don't want one or two, I want eight or twelve, and that is a problem no matter how you stack it.
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Old 02-27-2015, 10:37 AM
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Welcome back Jim. The common theme you'll hear for the most part is that we all tried moderation and it simply doesn't work. Why? Because by definition alcoholic cannot moderate. So "trying to kick the binge with moderation" is literally like trying to get out of debt by borrowing more money - it's completely and utterly illogical.

For most of us that struggled on and off with this thing, the problem was that we somehow think that a period of sobriety will make us back into a "normal" drinker, or remove our alcoholic tendencies. And just like the bugs that keep returing to the bug zapper we get burned, over and over and over.

The solution of course is to accept that drinking is not an option - not now, not next month, not next year, NEVER. It's a tough decision to make, but it's the only way. And once you make it, life becomes a heck of a lot easier. Rather than battling with alchohol, you can work on living your life. And getting healthier, and faster, and just generallly better.

Keep in mind too that the damage that alcoholic drinking does gets progressively worse and worse. Being in better shape like yourself can postpone the damage a little bit, but even in healthy people the drink will eventually take you down to the point where you cannot exercise anymore. It's not a question of if, it's a question of when.
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Old 02-27-2015, 10:46 AM
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Thank you all! I agree about moderation it never worked so why talk myself into thinking it would after a few months....crazy. I feel like I'm starting back at zero with no control again.

Just wondering, what are some ways you have told people "no thank you" to drinking? Because at this point I feel like I need to make some reason up so people will stop bugging me. I'm not at the point to say..."hey guys, I have an issue with drinking so no thank you" but with confidence and time maybe I could?

I'm sitting at my desk, pounding water feeling like crap right now because I'm hungover and feeling low but you all are making my day so much easier. Respect to you all and your life goals
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Old 02-27-2015, 10:50 AM
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Back in '97 I thought I could moderate after 8 yrs. sober and did great for a week. Then I lowered the bar and said I was doing great after a month. By 2000 I was divorced and lost a lot. By 2010 I had enough and quit again and did great till last yr. Went on a 6 month binge and became very ill. I'm grateful for the sickness and not dying but have zero desire to test the waters again...ever. The good news is, sobriety is just as progressive. I'm staying on this side of the fence and, Yes, your post helped me. Let us help you.
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Old 02-27-2015, 10:56 AM
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"No thanks"

Believe it or not, the above works most of the time!

If I have to self-protect harder, I simply say "I'm not drinking right now." I don't go into complex explanations of my "alcoholism" (I'm not a fan of that word BTW; I don't consider myself having been physically dependent - but that's another topic). If someone really pushed, I just explain that I'm focusing on my health, and alcohol derails my plans.

You will be AMAZED at how few people are pushy about drinking, how many non-drinkers there are out there, how little you actually have to explain, etc.

Many athletes do not drink. All you have to say, really, is "I'm training for a triathlon."
If someone says "you were training for a triathlon before and you still drank" (I don't think anyone will actually say this, but just in case...), you could say "I'm trying to take my training up a level." Bam. End o' story.

Seriously, almost no one has asked me why I'm not drinking. Because of my profession, I am often at receptions, etc., where the alcohol is flowing. I love being sharp as others get sloppy. I drink juice or bubbly water or fancy combinations of juice and bubbly water.
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Old 02-27-2015, 11:01 AM
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[QUOTE=heartcore;5228326]Same here - my reward for a hard workout used to be rushing home for my cold beer and my cigarette. I've always eaten organically, worked out, meditated, yogaed, been outdoorsy - and between every single positive thing I did for my health, I would "take a break" and have a drink and a cig.

How crazy is that!

This is what I was doing, but wine instead of beer.
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Old 02-27-2015, 11:04 AM
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"Taking my training to the next level"....perfect. And I can take pride in that because honestly it's what I should be doing. I average 5 training days per week and have been throwing them away by binging. My body deserves better than that I just need to figure out how to keep that focus in the hard times (the dinners, after work socials, the odd dinner out with the fam)

I've also never been good or at least in past history of deflecting my family's comments when I don't have a drink (my past posts explain). I feel like I have to over explain to them and that gets old and deflates me.
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Old 02-27-2015, 11:42 AM
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I'm a marathoner and also someone who does the occasional century ride so I can totally relate to what you're dealing with. While I've never gotten drunk before any of those races, I don't believe there's a single one that I didn't have a drink the night before. Or afterward. My next race, in May, will be the first one after a totally sober night.

As for what to say, without knowing your circumstances, I can say that my experience is that people really don't pay too much attention. And if you say that you're in training for a triathlon nobody is going to give you pushback. And even if someone does, just stick to your position.
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Old 02-27-2015, 11:46 AM
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I understand the "deflation." I feel the same thing when I explain my abstinence in depth to a friend or family member. I chose to go to AA to build a sober support network. While that makes perfect sense to me, as I noted earlier, I am my own version of "alcoholic" and don't like to use that word while explaining, because of the ideas and images that are associated with it for many. I have a high level professional job, and while I may have been celebrating my workouts with a beer and feeling crappy about it, I hadn't gone far enough YET to have other repercussions of alcohol (no DUIs, no legal problems or crime, no crazy public behavior, and so on).

So my alcohol use was mostly invisible, and my external and visible self was active and healthy. If I tell people close to me that I am now a recovering alcoholic, they are terribly confused, because no one witnessed any of the "alcoholic" part. Even my adult children are stymied by my identification as an alcoholic.

Nonetheless, alcohol was derailing all my fitness goals. I have also carried HepC my whole life (since adolescence) and had been warned by doctors that I should not tax my liver additionally with the use of alcohol (I am now "cured" BTW - I just finished the new treatment and it was successful). Bottom line - I felt like alcohol stymied my intent for my self and my life. I also don't like my relationship behavior with alcohol (hooking up with folks who I wouldn't consciously choose for relationship and then having to "get out of" the situation).

And that's enough. I don't need more reasons than health and relationship sobriety. But those are very personal topics for me, and any explanation of my invisible alcoholism would require that I discussed this part of me, and that is even more revealing and intimate.

So, I've struggled mightily with how to present this new phase of my life.

I am becoming less and less comfortable with my AA involvement. I live in a very small community, and am feeling like I am increasingly identified by folks as a recovering alcoholic. I'm not sure how I feel about this or how to adapt to it. I was unhappy with my drinking behaviors, I have a (very long ago) past as an addict, and I decided to quit drinking alcohol. That is what I am comfortable with wearing as identity.

So, I too am fumbly and overly-complicated when I try to explain my situation to people. I feel like I am juggling multiple identities, and as though I am almost lying in AA meetings. Nonetheless, the criteria for joining AA is a "desire to stop drinking." I can admit that alcohol made my life unmanageable, because I didn't like where my relationship with alcohol was going. But I struggle with the A word, because I don't feel like it accurately describes my experience.

Ultimately, I want to be a confident non-drinker who is so busy kayaking and hiking and doing great work in the community that I choose not to drink because it inhibits my activities. I have no problem explaining that to people. It is my involvement with AA that is hard for me to explain. I just like going to the meetings - I feel like it supports my sobriety.
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Old 02-27-2015, 12:07 PM
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I think you and I are a lot alike when it comes to the "A Word". Especially when I've been called it before. You reason with your brain to figure out what you are and in my mind I am not an alcoholic. As you put it nicely "I'm my own version" and I should get to pick that definition when explaining to others.

Last year it was apparent that I was a binge drinker and to me that was easier to try and overcome than making my self so associate with some of the negativity surrounding the word "alcoholism".

It's crazy because my mother, to this day, is a mess and I'm scared for her. Let me say that she is an amazing women who cares about her family and has a very good life. But I know if I were to approach her with the "A Word" it would take some repair to get back on her good side. I think by using my own personal definition, or niche so to say, would be easier to help her relate-- but this is another animal.

My point being your words helped me because it's ok to have your very own definition of what it is you are going through as long as you have identified the core issues. I think your support group with AA is helping you keep your personal definition intact even if it may seem like it's scarring some of the outsiders perspective. I think you are brave because I couldn't go.
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Old 02-27-2015, 12:14 PM
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being a binge drinker is what kept me in denial for a lot longer than I care to admit.
It also got me 2 DUI's.

the sooner I just admitted that it didn't matter how often I was drinking, but that when I drank, I was a damned disaster, the better off I was
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Old 02-27-2015, 12:29 PM
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Your parents have no more right to "quiz" you than any other people.

If you say "No thanks" and your parents push it, keep saying that. If they get pushy, a simple, "Why does it bother you?" seems to work. Then they have to actually look at themselves and why it bothers them. I think a lot of times, people think you are judging them. (So?) There are lots of other things to say, too, like, "I don't like what it does to me." "I'm just giving myself a break" etc...

But this thing about your family being drinkers, that's them. You are a separate person. My family drank. For 18 years of my sobriety I went to family gatherings and no one held me down and forced it down my throat. They did continue to ask me, every time, if I wanted one.
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Old 02-27-2015, 02:30 PM
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Welcome back Jim!!

For me it had to become all or nothing, part ways with alcohol on a permanent basis, accept that I can't moderate, or have just one, it had stopped working for me.

Such a life changing decision, shouldn't have to come with justifications, millions of people don't drink for religious reasons in this world or many choose to be teetotal, make the decision and make it happen, you don't need to explain anything to anyone, it's your life at the end of the day!!

You can do this!!
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