Sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time, sound very rough
You're anxiety about drinking is your AV trying to set you up to fail.
Drinking isn't a possibility, so you have no reason to be nervous!
Deal with all of these issues one at a time, at the moment there's a tonne in your mind and it looks insurmountable. Just get one task done at a time, soon it will be over, sober.
Hope this helps