Really afraid I'm going to drink
I apologize for starting so many new threads. I've been having a tough go of it lately :/
Something is weighing very heavily on my mind. Several things, in fact. Next week is going to be a very bad week. I apologize for putting it in those terms, and I don't mean to be melodramatic. I know most anxiety is anticipatory anxiety, but I think this is that rare case where I do need to plan ahead.
Several factors will be in play that are threatening to my sobriety.
-I will be out of town for 5 days straight.
-I will be surrounded by family, most of whom are drinkers. There will be a lot of drinking.
-I am going out of town for a very stressful reason. Without revealing too many details, essentially I will be traveling to attend a criminal trial. This is going to be extremely difficult. A loved one died under horrific circumstances and the trial will include autopsy photos, testimony, and various other horrible things that I would rather not fear.
I have been avoiding talking about this on these threads because I just don't even know what to say. I am contemplating not going. I realize that is a coward's way out, but I don't know that my sobriety is strong enough to handle this. Perhaps what I will try to do is find a compromise, to perhaps attend the second portion of the trial so I can be there for support when the verdict is read. I don't want to hurt anyone, but looking down the barrel at this I just don't know how I can handle the stress of something this intense.
However, as I have said in other threads, I can't keep avoiding life.