Originally Posted by
Slothy 
My own fears of loneliness, my poor self esteem, and my need to feel like a partner in a relationship have gotten me to this awful place.
I could of wrote those exact words... I really know how you're feeling and I'm sorry that it sucks so much!!
Sometimes we have to go back into the war field to really convince ourselves that the relationship is truly toxic and will never get any better. He has shown you over and over his true self... now keep up NC and don't look back! It will hurt for a while but you have already shown how strong you are! You can do this and you'll be a strong and healthier person soon enough!!