Hi slothy,
I'm so sorry that you are hurting so bad. I too committed to going no contact but have since had loose contact and feel as if I am falling down the rabbit hole again and have been meaning to post about it also. It's hard, so hard but please be easy on yourself. You made a mistake to stay in contact but you realised that, you've seen him for what he is now, you've blocked him, you deserve better!
As for the how could he do this to you- he's an alcoholic, his mind is a mess? He's just not a decent person? But you are- and it's time to focus on you.
I know the feelings all too well of not being able to sleep, eat, do anything- just crying and crying in shock and disbelief at the whole damn mess. That's ok, if you need to cry- cry, if you can't eat much just please try and eat a little something- maybe one of your favourite foods? You have to stay strong physically to recover mentally too and I know that's easier said than done right now, but please try.
Do you have friends or family you could reach out to for some support right now? Have you tried al anon before or maybe you could? Even a therapist? It hurts like hell, give yourself time to grieve, it's natural, but please remember that you deserved better than a person who would treat you like that, now you can start to treat yourself with the love you deserve, surround yourself with people who treat you kindly, start to get your life back and try to find happiness again. It's a really difficult journey, no point in saying otherwise- but you can do it!
Please keep posting, sending you hugs x