New and I need help.
This is my first post and honestly the first time I have reached out in my dealing with an alcoholic. Nearly 3 years ago I met my partner. I fell hard and within 4.months he moved into my home. At the time, he was a dry drunk, although I didn't really understand what that meant at the time. Since then, he has started drinking again. He will have periods of sobriety, but always goes back to the bottle.
There are so many times he has blacked out drunk. He has lied to me a lot of times about his drinking, always promising to stop but never doing so. he has compared me to former lovers, and he is always hostile. He screams in my face, he gets very angry and he treats me like I am the reason for everything wrong in the world. I am completely dedicated to him and I would never cheat. He blames me for his mistakes and rather than apologize to me for the bad behavior, he makes me feel so guilty I end up apologizing to him even though I didn't do wrong. I have caught him flirting with other women on Facebook as well as sending inappropriate texts to women. This hurts me so much and makes me doubt his word and not trust him. If I know he has been drinking I dread going home because I never know how my night will be.
I am a full time student and I work a full time job. I pay most all of our bills and I do all the household chores. He is very irresponsible with money. He coinstantly spends and then can't help me out as much as he should. I am always stressed out because of this. It has gotten so bad I have a overnight bag in my trunk because I want to just leave when he's drinking so I don't have to deal with him.
I hate the alcohol. I hate everything about it. I get so angry when he drinks. It doesn't matter if its one drink or a whole bottle. I know getting angry isn't helping anything but the fear of being hurt and crying myself to sleep is always there.
I am sure all of you know what I am feeling and understand it. I know his alcoholism is his to deal with, but I feel like those of us who live with it are just as affected. Its such a rollercoaster. When he's sober he's my best friend and I couldn't love him more. When he drinks its all excuses and blaming me and I end up depressed and angry and unhappy.
I have told him how I feel. He says that I need to just lay off him and let him have a drink but I am struggling so much to do that because I see the destruction of our relationship and I see us not being together much longer if things don't change . I have always been a strong woman, but he makes me so weak.
Sorry so long but I am really struggling and I need help.