Most troubling is that he's so far from admitting he needs to stop. When he said to me: I don't feel like I need to stop, just cut back, my stomach dropped. If he'd even said, I'd like to stop, but I don't feel ready, I'd have understood. To hear him completely deny reality was nauseating.
I have been there...I know how it feels to tell yourself, "But booze is the only thing I enjoy!" "It's the only thing I do for ME!" I even remember thinking,"So what if I drink myself to death? My son will be better off without me!" just so I could excuse my continued drinking. And yes, I know how ridiculous all that stuff is now. I knew at the time, but who wants to give up their escape from reality?
Even if I don't think I deserve better, my son does. He didn't ask for any of this.