tartel...
Welcome to our little corner of SR. Ann beat me to the punch in terms of greeting you. As you can no doubt tell, she is both caring and wise, and has given you some valuable feedback. So now it's my turn.
he is trying to find me, visiting my family, calling my friends, all the while high and slurring and making threats, to kill himself, to hurt himself, if i don't call him.
What you have described is something we see all too often here. It's really the cruelest, most sadistic form of manipulation there is. But for the sake of discussion, let's say it works. You cave, you go back to him, and once again, you take up the responsibility of getting him sober...
...and he (again) relapses, you leave (again), and then he plays that card (again)...
...and on, and on, and on it goes, with no end in sight...
From my vantage point, he has no interest in recovery, and that's because he's paid no price for using. But you've paid a hell of price, haven't you? Being anyone's enabler is going to break us in two eventually. And here you are.
So, a couple of things.
What you have learned throughout this cycle is there is no "fixing" him. We can't fix anyone. It's not our responsibility to fix people. It
is our responsibility to manage
ourselves, and part of that responsibility is learning how to not allow ourselves to be put into situations like you're currently in.
The best way to deal with suicidal ideation is to simply call 911. Personally, I don't believe he has any intention of harming himself. That said, you still need to take the threat seriously. Allow the police to deal with him, and let him try to explain his way out of that particular box.
We can help you get back on our feet and onto a healthier, saner course. It's good that you've read a bunch of posts already prior to taking the plunge and posting yourself. You now know you're not alone.
Absorb what you've read. Figure out how it helps you. And keep pushing forward as best you can.
Again, Welcome to the Board.