There is an old saying around these parts that we call the 3 C's...Didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it.
Nothing we do or don't do, say or don't say, no matter how much we beg, cry, plead, manipulate, threaten or bargain...we cannot save anyone who doesn't want to be saved. If love could save an addict, not one of us would be here.
They can and do live without us, when they lose us what they lose is someone to blame, to steal from or manipulate for money to buy drugs, they lose the one place they can find a soft fall and a sofa when everything else fails.
At some point, we have to step back and decide what is and is not acceptable in our lives. For me, addiction no longer enters my home. I no longer do for anyone what they can and should do for themselves. I pray for them, and leave the rest in God's hands. It's how I get through my days knowing my son is lost in addiction somewhere.
You sound like a wise and smart lady. Please don't lost sight of yourself and your dreams while trying to save a sinking anchor. You'll only go down with him.
Hugs