Originally Posted by
Dave36 
Came across this on new posts. I know this is for friends and family and I'm a recovering alcoholic. Hope it's ok to comment. I've been to detox before and am 50 days sober and doing well. My wife was very supportive of my recovery and made many phone calls and arrangements to help me get sober. It was a great help to me in my sobriety. For the life of me I have no idea why people are saying its not appropriate for you to call places for him. As long as he's serious about going there's nothing wrong with you doing what you can. You can't make him get sober but what's the harm in helping s little. He may keep drinking or maybe he'll really quit. All you can do is try.
Hi Dave36,
Welcome to our forum and congrats on your 50 days sober!
Every person is a individual and there are different levels of addiction and codependency. These forums are read by women who are in abusive and extremely toxic relationships as well as by women who are experiencing relatively new problems with husbands who have been healthy mates and responsible partners in their marriage. Many of us "oldtimers" here have experienced the more "toxic" relationships with extremely manipulative men who know every trick in the book to keep their enablers engaged and performing to the best of their ability to "save" their loved one.
I am 4 years out on a 4 year relationship with my XA who just had completed 4 months in a residential treatment program and was home with his mom 3 weeks and had gotten a car and a great job! His second day on the job he showed drunk as a coot showed his behind and the cops were called who took him to Mama where he cussed out and threated her husband. He was trespass warned and taken to a hotel and has now been in a drunken, drugged out state for another week.
That was his 7th residential treatment program and he has gotten as much as 8 months sober before picking up a drink. I jumped through every hoop and twisted myself into a pretzel for 4 very loooooooong miserable years to watch him do the same things over and over and over again to deliberately sabotage his recovery.
He goes to treatment to get his heart and liver healthy enough to go on his booze and drug binges and I am afraid that very soon I will be posting that he has left this earth in a drunken heap in a ditch somewhere.
Alcoholism is progressive and I now believe that my coddling, helping, making calls, begging, screaming, threatening and forcing him into recovery over and over and over again was killing him slowly just as the alcohol. It creates a false reality that there will always be a soft landing somewhere after the binge... somebody to pick up the pieces, hire the lawyers make the calls....
He is out of enablers. We are all mourning his slide into oblivion and eventual death... I regret my phone calls and interference into allowing him to find his bottom 8 years ago.
That's my story.... its not yours or anyone elses. We just share our own experience and suggest each person learn everything they can about addiction and pray for their own understanding and that their own HP help them make wise decisions that are best way to love someone when they are in addiction.