I listen to Loveline, the radio show that Dr. Drew hosts. Don't quote me, I'd rather anyone listen for himself, but Dr. Drew often speaks about how traumatizing experiences often lead to reenactment, of which people try to control the situation, when reality is they are reopening the wound.
A young girl who was sexually abused who goes into porn is a good example. By "taking control" of her sexuality and being "in charge" of what she does with her body, often can set her up to be revictimized (by men, women, film staff, the industry, etc.) and recreate the same sense of being being that young girl who was abused. (Note: I don't mean to say that all porn stars or sex industry workers are victims of sexual abuse, nor would this scenario apply to them. Just my literary license to use as an example.)
Even people who survive near-death experiences can show the same pattern. Think of someone who survives a horrific car accident, and all of a sudden realizes how short life is, and how little he lived before the accident, and becomes an "adrenaline-junkie"--sky diving, bungee jumping, or other such activities. He would be recreating the same rush and feelings as being out of control in that moment, not realizing that he is putting his own life at risk, instead of something happening to him at random. (Note: I do not mean to say that this is healthy or not, good or bad, or anything like that. Just an example.)
I hope those examples made sense.
I've noticed I show this pattern myself.
Today, I got an email that my X was released to a HWH. Part of me wants so badly for him to reach out to me, and I half suspect he will. I think my hope is founded on me trying to recreate the situation (my contact with him) and trying to "master" it (by not falling to pieces, hearing him profess his undying love and apologies) but I know I can't right now.
I know that if I hear from him, I will cry, be hurt, and feel like I've been punched in the gut, just like I did when I got that email. I can't master the situation because I can't master him. I have no say over him.
(Here's where I take two steps back in my progress and hope and wish and fantasize that someday it'll work out with him. But I think self awareness is one step forward. But maybe someday that won't be my truth.)