rosie...again...so sorry for what you are going through...I actually understand when you say we know but we don't know...and until we can bring it into our true awareness or find it as you did...I say 'we' but mean 'me'--I don't 'know' in the fullest meaning of the word.
so glad you are starting with a counselor...like lovenjoy...i got very sick and it sounds as if you are there now...and having that support can make all the difference...and it can still take a long time to feel better (hoping that I am feeling better...but it has been months now).
please know that you are a wonderful person and mother...and that we are all walking with you--and that, without, SR...I would not have made the progress I am and have made.