this is not something we could ever know how to deal with. it is removed from the reality of the life we were prepared to help our children live so none of us know what to do until we are faced with it. then we each learn what we need to in order to live with the new reality...
SR is where i got my education on ways to deal with this... we start collecting our tools - SR, alanon, therapy, readings, trusted friends and family - and as i learn more about addiction from living with my ras i have been blessed with how to stay in my own space and not let his problem tear me apart. anymore. it's taken awhile.
i was thinking the other day how when my son is using his window on the world gets really small. and when he's working recovery it gets bigger - more communication, more activities, more interests.
and then i realized that it is a good way for me to know if i am taking good care of myself. because when i allow my self to look at the whole picture, my life and the family, and work community, and neighbors and my own interests then i know i'm taking care of myself. but if i'm just worried about him the window gets small and tight and dark and i can't function. so anyway - i try everyday to look out further than the problem by self care. and then i can breath easier and see ways to move the situation forward.