zoe

Hi all. Sorry I have not been here much. I have been traveling back and forth on 4 hr drive. My H and I are communicating and getting along much better these days. He has done alot of improving over the last few months ( not sure if I trust that or not). Before I found out on New Years Eve that he had been drinking and lieing to me we had planned on moving to where he is now. Since then I have decided not to go anywhere until we could work things out. I have been taking care of my house and son and our 2 dogs. I finished my realestate course and am now studying to take the test so that I can start working. The traveling does not bother me but the comeing home to a dirty stinking house is getting to me. I also do not trust what my H is telling me about not drinking when I am not there to see for myself. I am wondering if my refusal to make the move is hindering any progress that we are makeing. The trust is such a big issue and I do not think that there will ever be a time when I do trust him if we are not liveing in the same place. This I feel is holding me back from making a true commitment to my marriage. On the other hand I do not want to give up the only security that I have living here. The commuting back and forth is hard on my teenage son because he has to take care of everything here while I am gone and while I feel he needs to be more responsible(doing dishes,cleaning up after himself,takeing care of dogs.) I feel that it is taking some of his teenage years away from him. He should be able to go to friends house and stay the night, ride his bike to town for the day and do normal teenage stuff without having all of this put on him. I feel that I should be the one to clean the house take care of animals so on without requiring so much from him. My H has put us in such a terrible position. He has said a couple of times that whenever I am ready to move up that would be great. He misses being home and now that he is finally seeing me as a person instead of just the mom, housekeeper,caretaker, I believe he misses me to. I know that I am not ready to move yet and have told H this but I am at war with myself because I do want to spend more time with him now that he is treating me with respect and consideration. He is going to his counseling faithfully and working on himself. I so want a good family life and I can see it on the horizon but I am so afraid that it will not last. What to do? At some point I will have to make the decission to move but I am feeling pressure from myself to do it real soon.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I need help working thru this.