It's not fear that is keeping me from meetings. I'm not afraid of confronting my issues. For various reasons, I don't want to be seen confronting these issues in a local, public forum. As a matter of fact, much of the reading I'm doing that makes sense to me demonstrates that going to meetings, and the idea of being in constant "recovery" actually perpetuates an addiction. As if we are just waiting for the inevitable relapse, which ironically is part of recovery.
I did go to a work meeting last night, rife with alcohol to our eyeballs. While everyone ate and drank merrily, I abstained and enjoyed my water. When asked why I wasn't drinking, I said I was on a low carb diet (which is actually true) and instead of being ostracized, a few people that are trying to lose weight seemed both impressed in my self control, and a little self concious of their own decisions. I'm not saying any of this is the answer, but I rolled the dice on a way of approaching my problem, and it worked out well!