Hello,
I am new to this website, but not new to NA. I am very ashamed to say I am an addict and thank the good lord i am not an alcoholic. I have the disease of addiction which is not all about the drugs. Because I used (not always abused) drugs and that awful drug alcohol for "fun" is how I got this disease. It has manifested itself through me not only mentally, but spiritually and emotionally. I am so very greatful there are the 12 steps that has helped me to see how my usage caused all my problems. I have never been to jail or institutions, but i do have "inner" unmanageability inasmuch as I have trouble identifying alot of feelings. For myself when I came back to the rooms, I could only feel anger, fear and happiness. By living in addiction for many years of life such as having friends and boyfriends who drank, I did alot of "controlled" using. Just the fact that I drank or did other drugs to make me feel better or have fun was bad enough to continue on this road to recovery.
For anyone who doesnt think they have a problem, I would suggest going to a 12 step program for atleast six months. My own self-centeredness did not allow me to see how bad my life was nor did it let me see how much control the drugs had over me.
I would also suggest that you do some more "controlled" using and see if you can stop. If you cannot stop for any length of time, I would suggest you have a problem. I could not stop for very long, 3 or 4 months was the longest on my own willpower. I am greatfully recovering from this disease called addiction today and so very greatful to be alive and clean today.