mg--thank you for describing the trapped feeling--it fit to a 't' and I am working on this journey tooth and nail...not hers...mine. not seeing her is very hard and knowing it is her choice is very hard...i feel as if i have screwed up everything in life and it is my fault...but then I remember the work already done over the past 24 years and I know that intentionally did absolutely everything I could for the whole family...it still hurts in my chest area badly and I am weepy. need to do the things in my life today...they are hard enough...interview paperwork followup--about skills and a bio (this has me hyperventilating as I certainly don't feel as if I am skilled...but need to get done today) and a few more interviews for which I am very thankful...exhausted from 5 interviews in 3 weekdays...the weekend I just rested...and the hyperventilation is getting old...but I am practicing deep breathing. i know that if I do this skills inventory and turn it in...I will feel better...need to work on straightening out insurance again...at least I am working on myself when I do this. although i know it triggers emotions, providing support for my friend whose son is an addict and whose dil murdered her one grandson and left the other changed forever..we are praying and I ask for prayer for her and her family...i just can't leave her alone and without comfort in this situation...it is so hard though...and I am crying a lot...the stress mostly, the wanting to feel better, the need to get the medication that ran out when insurance changed...I need to get back on it soonest. supporting another friend as she is walking a similar path to mine in trying to find a job...find that if I can support another...it often helps me to what I need in my own life. SR is a beautiful place and I am so glad to be able to deal with more of the parents and those going to naranon...both of which have helped me...and will continue to do so. Not having contact with daughter causes me to focus on all sorts of other things that are not positive but I am doing my best to take actions that will walk me through some more...as small as the steps are...and as much on the codie bus as I am on so many of the days.