Originally Posted by
SparkleKitty 
The damage done to ACoA's is formidable, though not insurmountable. But no one can move past obstacles they simply refuse to see. He learned all of these coping mechanisms in order to survive his childhood -- can you imagine how terrifying it would be to admit that they are no longer relevant? That he has to learn an entire new way of looking at the world and at himself?
I forgot to mention that my A is also an ACoA. Much of what you describe is familiar to me. He has finally gone to a couple of Alanon meetings in addition to AA, but he is even more unwilling to address that side of it than the A side.
Sparkle Kitty said it well, and truthfully.