He isn't an alcoholic. Well, I don't think so. I never see him drink but recently he was hiding alcohol in our hallway closet and had tapped into that. When I found it he said that it was for a cold. If he is drinking then he's always doing it while he's away from home for work.
He's an ACoA who doesn't treat me very well and I would say that the biggest thing in more recent months is that he denies any cruel behaviour even if he just did it. Most recently he denied our daughter physical affection (a hug and kiss goodnight - he ALWAYS kisses her goodnight when he is home) because she wasn't 'being good' and doing what he wanted a couple of hours prior.
I'm always back here trying to sort out my life and current situation again and again. I do get that he's in denial, I am understanding that enlightenment from me only makes things worse, and that I need to put energy into myself more but I am not entirely sure of what to do. I feel as though if he could stop blaming me and just say 'sorry' then perhaps I could move forward.
But he never thinks that he's done anything wrong so he tells me that he doesn't need to apologize.
I realize that there are many on here who love and cherish their other half despite so many ups and downs and unfortunately I do not feel as strong as some of you. It is very difficult to forgive someone who does not want forgiveness and it is difficult to love someone who you're sometimes just plain scared of. He can be so many nice things but then at other moments I don't even know who he is.
I feel as though I could forgive better if he could genuinely say, "I have no excuse for the way I've treated you. I'm sorry." but instead I get, "I did this because you were acting like this... I did it because it was the right thing... I needed to teach you not to be like that... etc."
I am seeing a counselor for myself.