Hi everyone -
I also seem to be always "on guard" when I'm around people. I never let anyone in, not even my family. I always seem to need to hide what ever it is that I'm doing, feeling, saying, etc. from everyone.
It's like if I said I felt one way, then I would get told that "No you don't. You feel this way." or some other similar phrase.
Or if I said that I think one way, it would get turn around and be said that it's not what I think.
etc. etc. etc.
So, if I can't feel, think, or say what it is that I actually feel, think, or say.....then why say it. It's just better to hide it. Better to hide the pain, the tears, everything. That way, nothing can be used against me. And nothing will be "wrong".
And when it comes to other people's actions/words/etc.....it's like I don't truely trust them. How can I believe them when they don't believe me.
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Sorry, kinda went a little off topic there.
But to resay what others have said, I was also bullied and picked on as a kid. And this too causes me to keep my guard up and not let anyone in. That way, no one can hurt me.
But, unfortunately, it takes a lot of energy to keep that guard in place on 24/7 guard duty and those walls to make sure others can't come in.
It gets extremely tiresome. And I for one and tired of spending that much energy on those guards and walls. But I don't know how to let them go. And to let someone in. So I no longer have to hide everything anymore.
Can anyone help me with this?:insane