Thumper

I will share my experience. My mother was an alcoholic. I think. I didn't admit that until I was 40 and divorcing my alcoholic husband. My father worked a job that kept him away from home all but a few days a year. They did not have a happy marriage. Both parents were ACOA and had some tell tale 'symptoms' of that. That is my assessment looking backwards - of course I was a kid at the time so I didn't know anything. I accept and understand that my childhood was not the ideal but I just do not see it as chaotic or bad. That is just not my experience of it. I loved both my parents and I have many many many warm and wonderful memories. I felt loved by each of them. I was not abused in anyway, or neglected. I was encouraged and supported in my personal goals. It did not feel like ongoing trauma or drama. It was just my childhood, for better or for worse. I do not have resentments or bad feelings about my parents or their parenting. No one is going to convince me it was bad because it doesn't feel that way to me - even now with hindsight, detachment, and some recovery.

Someone with the experience of two parents, no addictions, healthy relationships, etc. might see it different :shrug:

Not that it didn't shape me in any way. I can see where I, as an ACoA, brought some very unhealthy behaviors, coping mechanisms, and issues to my marriage. I can see and accept that they originated in my family of origin and the dysfunctional framework it had.

You might get further by identifying what it is he is doing to erode your relationship and approaching him with that specific behavior, how it affects you, and asking him if he'd be willing to work on that in counseling or whatever. Let the counselor help him work though FOO issues.

dandylion that is a great site and a great read. Thank you. A quote from the article.....

Who knew one paragraph could so succinctly sum up the progression of my marriage experience!